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Let's Talk About Birth Control

7/26/2019

20 Comments

 
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Let's talk about birth control. 

I think this is a pretty touchy subject for a lot of people, so I'd like to preface this blog post with this: use what works for you. If traditional birth control pills work for you - GREAT! Continue to take and enjoy them. Honestly, I'm jealous! But if you, like me, had adverse reactions to "the pill," as it's called, then keep on reading. 

I have tried the pill five times in my life. The first time, I was 22 and I was having real trouble with my skin and acne. My doctor recommended that I start the pill to regulate my hormones, so I was put on a generic pill at the basic starting dosage. About two weeks into taking the pill, I woke up in the middle of the night so nauseous that I couldn't move. I lay in bed for about an hour and a half, terrified of vomiting, and when I eventually ran to the bathroom, I did just that. I sat with my head on the toilet for about two hours at three o'clock in the morning, wondering if I had the flu, not putting two and two together that the pill was giving me "morning sickness" in the middle of the night. A few weeks after that, I had horrible panic attacks. In the past, I'd had some anxiety (thank God, I haven't dealt with that for a long, long time), but this was by far the worst. Then, on the way to visit a few friends with my family, I vomited in the car (another experience I had never had until the pill). So I decided to stop taking the pill. 

I waited a couple of months, and then decided to try a different pill since my skin had still not cleared up. This time, they put me on the lowest dosage you can get: Lo Loestrin Fe. Thank God, I had no emotional reactions to this pill, but I did have some physical issues. I started bleeding in the middle of the month randomly and sometimes the bleeding would last for days. Again, I stopped the pill. 

The next time I went on the pill was a few months before my now-husband and I got engaged. We had talked about getting married, so I knew it would be happening soon, and I wanted to have all of this birth control business sorted out before our wedding. I talked to my doctor about the adverse reactions I'd had in the past, and we decided that I would try a progestin-only pill. I thought if I didn't mess with my estrogen levels, I wouldn't have any anxiety issues. Well, no such luck! A week into taking this one, I had the worst panic attack I have ever had. I woke up in the middle of the night and had tunnel vision. It was terrifying. I went off the pill immediately but had to deal with aftereffects of that panic attack for months. 

I decided to try the pill again after our wedding, because I didn't want our wedding day to be in any way tarnished by another anxiety attack. I tried Lo Loestrin Fe for a second time, because I liked that I hadn't had any emotional problems the last time I had used it, but the same issue of break-through bleeding stopped me from continuing with it. By this point, my doctors were recommending an IUD but I knew that wasn't for me. First, I have some moral issues with the way it prevents pregnancy. Second, I knew that if I ever had internal pain, I would probably assume something had gone wrong with the IUD and I would constantly be worrying about it. That stress definitely wasn't worth it for me. And third, if you do some digging, you can find in FDA documents that even though your doctors will tell you that there's no chance of altered mood on the IUD since the hormones are localized, women self-report depression about 5% of the time (depending on the specific IUD). So I did one last-ditch effort with the pill. And this time, I became depressed. 

I was on this pill for about three months, waiting for my body to adjust to it. I gained a little bit of weight, which was frustrating. But what was more upsetting was that I didn't care about anything. My relationship with Jacob was really strained and I didn't want to spend time with anyone. 

I knew I had to get off the pill for good, this time. But let me tell you, it wasn't easy. I honestly felt like a failure. I felt like I wasn't good at being a woman, in a way. You read all of these articles about how birth control empowers women to make decisions on their own timeline - and then you learn that you aren't one of those women. 

It was at this point I spoke to one of my married friends. She was so encouraging. She told me that she had gone through the same thing and that her relationship with her husband had been so much harder when she had been on the pill. It made such a difference knowing that I wasn't alone. 

So I'm here to tell you, if you're struggling with the pill: You're not alone. And you don't have to be on the pill if it's making you feel anxious, depressed, or crazy. There's nothing wrong with you. Some people can take birth control and are totally fine - but there are some of us whose hormones can't handle it. There are so many other options for birth control - I've researched all of them in my effort to understand what's available and how they all work - and hormones are NOT the only solution. 

​Of course, there are other important reasons not to take the birth control pill, even if it does work for your body. Studies have shown that women on hormonal birth control are attracted to different men than when they are not. Because the pill tricks your body into thinking that you're pregnant, you are attracted to the kind of man who will take care of a child, not help you make one. Therefore, women who were on the pill when they met the man they eventually married, then went off the pill when they were trying to get pregnant, found that they were less attracted to their partner. 

As well, because the pill can cause anxiety and depression, putting young women on it before they know whether or not they struggle with those mental health issues inherently, doesn't allow them to make informed decisions. I knew that I didn't struggle with anxiety and depression, so when the pill started having those side effects, I immediately stopped taking it. But if you, as a young woman, think that's your normal, why would you go off the pill? 

I was really pressured into using an IUD when I was speaking to my doctors about birth control options. Every alternative option I was presenting them with, they shunned. At some point, I started to believe that medical schools were in Big Pharmas' pocket - that students were being taught that women HAD to be on the IUD after the schools were being paid to say so. I honestly don't know if that was the case, but I had my suspicions. Now, because I'm married and in a place in my life where I can afford to get pregnant, even if it's not exactly when I had planned, I don't mind if my birth control method isn't 99.99% effective. So when I'd present other options to my doctor that were, say, 96% effective, they'd make me feel guilty. "Don't you want to take control of your life?" 

The answer to that question is yes. And that's why I'm choosing not to be depressed or anxious, even at the cost of not having 99.99% efficacy with my birth control. 

So here's my advice: try the pill if you want to, but do so with caution. And don't feel like a failure. You deserve to be happy and healthy - and if that means not taking the pill, then don't take the pill! 

What do you think? Have you tried the pill? Are you on it now? Let me know in the comments below! 
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20 Comments
Sarah link
7/30/2019 09:12:16 am

Thank you for sharing this very personal situation! I have been on it twice - once for period regulation, and once for actual birth control. Thankfully I had none of the side effects you mentioned, but have had then from certain depression medications. It's terrible when we resort to take medication for something, but then it gives us other issues to deal with. Thanks for sticking to your guns when it comes to the IUD thing... I don't know enough about it one way or another to speak of, but I love when people stand behind their morals regardless of what society/docs say. I hope you find a form of BC that both does what it's supposed to and also keeps you and your husband with the sort of relationship you would like to have. God bless.

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Classically Abby
7/30/2019 09:14:41 am

I'm so glad that you didn't have any issues when you were on BC! And I totally know what you mean - trying medication for one issue and then ending up with every other issue under the sun. Thank God, my husband and I have found a form of BC that works for us :)

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Ludmilla Smart
11/13/2019 01:07:02 pm

Why did you accept all the responsibility for birth control? Why didn’t your husband just use a condom? Don’t you think there is something inherently wrong with altering your hormones with meds? Don’t take this the wrong way, but isn’t the Davidian calendar supposed to function as a method of birth control?- I thought it was based off the 28 day cycle of the moon or something like that. Just some background- I believe in vaccinating my kids, I don’t like the over reliance on pain meds or altering a woman’s cycle. I take multivitamins, exercise, drink lots of water, eat lots of bananas, try to sleep at least 6 hrs straight, and limit caffeine and alcohol consumption (Didn’t want to come across as an antimed/antivax). Trying not to judge, but you had 5 bad experiences with oral contraceptives- why were you so persistent with a method that was so harmful to you? Have you tried a naturopath/homeopath/dietician/allergist ?- I read your 1st go with contraceptives was for acne- I find it suspect your doctor didn’t try a topical cream (Clindamycin/RetinA) 1st before even going the hormone route, and a lot of acne can be reduced through diet. Guess the main question is; Are you the type of person that relies on a pill to solve your problems? - your job has some influence over your choices, but geez, your husband should help you out in the birth control area- it takes 2 right?

Rachel F
7/30/2019 09:31:36 am

I too dealt with Anxiety and depression on the pill where I hadn't before. I started the pill when I got married and not only did it give me anxiety and depression, but I bled for two or more weeks at a time on every birth control pill I tried. And though they wanted me to try an IUD, they had the same hormones as the pills. So after 3 years of frustration, my husband and I switched to just condoms and I am absolutely happier and back to my normal self. It's been two years and we still haven't gotten pregnant. There are other options out there. Thanks, Abby!

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Classically Abby
7/30/2019 09:37:54 am

Oh, yay! I am so happy that things have worked out for you both - it's just not worth it for your mental health to be on something that makes you feel so awful.

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Casey
7/30/2019 02:21:34 pm

Decided to get on the pill for heavy periods and cramping that would leave me miserable for a few days. The first one was an ultra low dose pill, and my body became acclimated to the dosage after 3 months, which resulted in spotting/bleeding for 6 weeks straight. Ended up going to 3 different doctors 3 times on top of getting all sorts of scans and blood work to make sure I wasn't getting anemic.

ANYWAYS, an OB-GYN NP finally had me quit taking the pill for a month, let things happen naturally, and then start taking the higher dose once my period came. When that time of the month finally did come, was I back in for a world of cramping and leg pain and all sorts of fun! Ultimately, the pill has made a world of difference for me in terms of comfort and not waking up at 3 in the morning with major leg cramps.

I will say that in terms of side effects, both providers told me that nausea/mood swings/anxiety/depression was perfectly normal, and to give it 3 months to see if it would let up (which sounds like a terrible deal because 3 months is quite a long time, in my opinion), or if side effects were particularly bad, to come in immediately. No weird bleeding so far on the new pill, and hopefully things remain pretty stable for awhile because I'm pretty happy on it so far! Although if I end up getting married sooner rather than later I may need to improve the whole "taking it at a specific time every day" bit...

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Classically Abby
7/31/2019 06:21:07 am

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me! I'm so glad that the pill has made a positive difference for you. It's really interesting how different all of our bodies react to the addition of BC!

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Lauren
7/30/2019 05:37:36 pm

I do not believe in birth control so the only method my faith condones is Natural Family Planning (NFP). Hormonal birth control, IUD, and condoms are immoral.

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Classically Abby
7/31/2019 06:21:43 am

I understand! Stick with what works for you.

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Pam
7/30/2019 06:28:22 pm

I've been taking birth control for years for heavy and cramps. It made my migraines 100 times worse, which I naturally had before the pill. I recently got the stomach flu for about a week and missed taking my pills, so I stopped and decided to wait for the next month to restart. The miracle is that I haven't had a migraine in a month and my anxiety has dropped to almost zero. I don't think I will be starting that pill again if I can help it, because I feel so much better now.

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Classically Abby
7/31/2019 06:22:42 am

I'm so glad you've made a decision to move in a better direction for your mental health. It's not easy, I know - and I hope you find a solution for your heavy periods!!

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Erin
7/31/2019 04:31:09 am

Hi Abby! I suffered from horribly heavy periods and ovarian cysts that ruptured, so my Dr’s suggested the pill (I had my tubes tied at the birth of my 3rd child). We tried all the normal low dose pills and I had the exact same side effects as you, so at the suggestion of a (new) Doctor, I tried a much stronger pill. Let me tell you what a difference it has made! I feel more calm and at peace now than I her had, and my periods are so much better and I’ve been on it for almost two years now. Even my husband noticed that any anxiety/mood swings I had off of the pill had cleared right up! So for me, my body had such crazy hormones as it was, it seems it needed some big-girl hormones to regulate it! 😂 I know you and your hubs will find the perfect solution! Thanks for telling your story and being honest about your ups and downs, I know that will help a lot of women out there 💗 ~Erin

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Classically Abby
7/31/2019 06:23:45 am

I'm so happy you are taking the pill if that's what works for you! We're lucky to live in a day and age that offers us so many options. And thank you for your support! :)

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Amanda Whithair
8/9/2019 11:58:33 pm

Thankyou so much for sharing Abby!
Feeling sick and throwing up for hours and then become depressed and having panic attacks. Sounds absolutely awful! I have Emetophobia and have had anxiety attacks in the past so I can fully relate!
I've never used the pill or any other form of Contraception as I'm still a student and still single. I don't think that'll change in the past as I'm not interested in having kids or even a husband.
I'm glad you shared your experience. I never knew the pill can have such a bad effect on some women! Just goes to show how we are all different and unique.

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Florence
10/9/2019 05:15:14 pm

Hi Abby, thank you so much for sharing your story.

I've never been on the pill and I'm quite apprehensive about it for the fact that it alters your hormonal profile. My cycle is very regular and I don't have any dysfunction in my reproductive health and I'm not married so I've never needed the pill.

As someone who hopes to get married one day, I was wondering what method you've found that works for you as it'd be nice to have a plan for down the road.

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Alexa
1/14/2020 01:11:55 pm

Hi Abby, birth control pills, like any other type of drug, can be great for some people and bad for others, because all our bodies are different. The pill has been a quasi-literal life saver for a friend of mine who suffered her whole life with the most debilitating period pain. She never wanted to go on the pill because she also had issues with depression and was afraid that would get worse. Eventually, she couldn't take the agonizing pain she was in anymore and finally tried the pill and it changed her life and had only positive effects, no negative. The point is, I think it's important to know the positive and negative side effects from all medications, and then let people make educated decisions about what to take or not take. It's also important to note that not everyone will react the same so people shouldn't shame others (not saying you are at all...I mean in general!) for trying drugs, whether it's birth control or mental health drugs.

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Holly
3/16/2020 02:31:20 pm

I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one who struggled with birth control! I started the pill shortly before marriage and it made me feel violently ill at first - with the worst cramps of my life, hot flashes, nausea. Then, my acne got worse and I felt depressed. It even got as bad as crying myself to sleep every night for no reason. Not at all a blissful honeymoon phase! After I few months I stopped taking the pill and my husband and I are so glad I did. We use condoms and the calendar method and it's worked perfectly well for us. We have had 3 (planned!) children in our 10 years of marriage and we'll continue using this method. Thanks for sharing your experience!

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Abby
4/22/2020 12:27:25 am

I never leave comments on things, but this just hit so close to home that I had to. My scenario was so similar to yours– I had never had any reason to need birth control before I married my husband, so I didn’t know what hormonal birth control would be like until I started on the pill shortly before our wedding. I spent the first two months of our marriage so nauseated that like you said, at times I would just lie still in my bed unable to move– I have never experienced anything like it. I couldn’t even eat once a day sometimes because I would suddenly feel so sick at the smell or sight of almost anything. I got off that pill and tried another, this one made me bleed throughout the month and gave me a constant aching pain I never had before (again, the whole month). At that point, I decided to just call it quits, and my husband fully agreed! We are totally okay with the fact that we could have a “surprise” from our current non hormonal fertility tracking method, and we are in a position as a married couple that it really wouldn’t be a problem for us even if it’s not fully planned out. We haven’t had anything like that happen though, and it’s been almost 4 years now– so it has served our purposes really well since we are hoping to start our family within the next year or two now any ways. I really appreciate you sharing your story! I often feel very alone and have had doctors treat me like I’m crazy by not wanting to just try “one more” pill– but honestly, the more I hear from other women with similar stories, the more it as helped me feel like I’m not the crazy one, and feel like my decision wasn’t an overreaction. I can honestly say that during the time I was on the pill l could barely function because of how severe my side effects were– personally preventing pregnancy 99.9% just wasn’t worth giving up such a huge chunk of my life!

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J
5/12/2020 11:32:09 am

I empathize so strongly with your experience. While it sounds like the scope of your symptoms was far worse than mine, I also went through the journey of trying 5 different types of birth control complete with the side effect gambit of nausea, fatigue, cycle irregularity, weight gain, and wild mood swings. While the pill can be an empowering family planning and physical agency option for those women for whom it works (and hell yes to all of you who fit that category, what an awesome gift), I personally felt a complete lack control with the constant onslaught of symptoms. My partner and I have worked together to come up with a solution that works well for us and that act of tackling safe sex together feels empowering to me. I'm so happy you have found a solution that works well for you too. Thank you for sharing your story.

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Caroline Weis
5/25/2020 01:59:41 pm

Thank you for sharing your experience! I actually wasn't aware that side effects from the pill could be that severe. I've been taking the pill continuously since I was 15 (I'm now 23 years old) because of acne and painful cramps during my periods that actually made me pass out more than once. It all magically went away and I've never had a single problem with the pill that I'm aware of. But you mentioned that for young women taking the pill might be dangerous because they don't know their body yet and I agree! I've seen it happen in my friend who was struggling with depression and weight gain. It was the weight gain that made her go to her doctor and switch to another type of pill (which worked fine for her). It was only then that she noticed how different she felt compared to when she was taking the first pill. If it hadn't been for the weight gain it would at least have taken her much longer to figure out that the pill was responsible!
I'm also very sorry that your doctor didn't understand you when you discussed different birth control methods. It is my belief that doctors should give information and their opinion on what the best course of treatment is but ultimately they should let their patients decide and they should do what their patients want, provided of course that it is still reasonable and medically justifiable. And your so right, being able to take control of your body should mean just that regardless of whether your decisions fits with other people views of what it means to take control. It should be an absolute! Empowering women in general should mean that women get to decide and that their decisions are respected whether you agree or not.

I really enjoy all of this website, it's so diverse in its content that I always find something interesting! My opinions often go in the same direction as yours but your background is so different from mine that I sometimes have a bit of trouble wrapping my head around why you think a certain way. I guess that's why I'm here since only reading what I already think would be incredibly boring! So I keep looking forward to your next posts!

Love, Caroline (from Germany, so please excuse any awkward phrasing and mistakes)

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    Hey! I'm Abby, the creator of Classically Abby, a commentary, opera, beauty, and lifestyle brand dedicated to looking at the world from a classic perspective. I'm the first Conservative Influencer and I'm an opera singer with three degrees in performance!

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