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Commentary & Lifestyle

Looking Better Isn't Bad

10/17/2019

6 Comments

 
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I like to view the world in a realistic way.

One thing that I think is obvious about the world that we live in is that people are visually-oriented. Good or bad, that's the way things are. And, depending on what visually-oriented means to you, I don't tend to think it's a bad thing. For me, it means that you put effort into your appearance - you wear nice clothing to your office, you brush your hair before you leave the house, etc. This behavior goes for women and men. For example, women can put on a little mascara for work and men can put on a tie. To clarify, I am not referring to changing natural things about you, such as nose shape or body type (unless you want to).

But there's something that really gets me. There are women who vehemently refuse to wear makeup or change their clothing or cut their hair into a more flattering shape, even when it's to the detriment of their dating life and their professional prospects. They get angry at anyone for even suggesting it. It seems to me that women do this for one of two reasons. The first is that they feel like they're lying - they don't want to lie about what they actually look like, they don't want to lie by flattering their body in a way that improves the shape of their frame, they don't want to lie by getting a haircut that they have no expectation of styling. The second is that they feel like they're taking a stand for women everywhere by refusing to change their appearance - they shouldn't have to change the way that they look to fit in with some standard they never agreed to in the first place. 

I fundamentally disagree with this outlook on femininity. 

As a woman who didn't know how to do my makeup until I was 21 and who rarely if ever wore makeup before that, I say this without having been brainwashed into thinking society needed me to look like a photoshopped version of myself. In fact, I was probably influenced in the other direction: wearing makeup was a bad thing in my childhood and teenage years. But the fascinating thing that I learned when I started doing makeup was the way that I started viewing other people: I would look at a friend of mine, for example, and think to myself, "Wow, her features are stunning. I could accentuate that with a little bit of eyeliner, or a little bit of contour, or a little bit of lipstick." Everyone became beautiful because their best features could all be brought to life with just a little bit of cosmetic artistry.

Wearing makeup isn't a lie, and it isn't something that the world has enforced on you. It's a tool you can use to become even more beautiful than you already are. Do you have to pack on the eyeshadow or wear bright red lipstick? Absolutely not. But if you have beautiful green eyes, why not wear mascara to make them stand out? Why not give the men that you're interested in the absolute best  chance of seeing you at your most attractive?

And wearing clothing that flatters your figure? That's just common sense. In fact, to me it's a double standard. Women complain about men wanting them to look put together...but we expect the same thing from men. If a guy walked in for a first date without having showered, brushed his teeth, or put on a clean shirt, wouldn't you be disappointed? It's a symbol of respect for him to look nice when he meets you.

The same goes for women. Yes, men don't have to wear makeup. But they have to shower, put on cologne, put on a fresh outfit and get ready in their own way for a date with a woman. And outside of that, they have to pay for the entire thing! And you want to know something else? Men have their own burden to attract women: by earning a living to support a family and/or exercising to keep themselves physically fit.

Are you changing your appearance to make other people happy? Well, first, I would say that you're not changing your appearance, you are improving upon it. Giving it a boost. But second, no one is happier that you put effort into your appearance - but you might be. You might actually get that job you've been dreaming of if you look the part. And you might catch the eye of that fellow you've been interested in. Even just small things, like a different lipstick or a pair of heels, can make a huge difference. So why resent what you can use to your benefit?

Do you agree? What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments down below, and share with your friends!
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6 Comments
Kyle Marie
10/17/2019 02:44:31 pm

I couldn’t agree more. Putting effort into your appearance is a sign of respect for others and a sign of the respect you are due from others.

Reply
Rachel
10/19/2019 04:50:42 am

This is an argument I am always having with my sister who refuses anything she considers "too girly". She is 25 but looks like she is 12. I have threatened her that things are going to get ugly if she buys one more poncho. LOL

There is a story my dad told me that I think sums up what I think about this subject. He told me that back in early 70's he was going through a crazy hippie phase. He had grown out his hair and beard and my grandparents were not so happy in how he looked. My dad said his dad came up to him and asked him why he was dressing like that and dad told him it was cool and the new style and all. My grandpa responded with something that my dad never forgot. He said "It's hard enough to get through life looking the best you can, I don't know why you would want to look like that"

This is true. People are visual. Why make things any harder. Try to look your best :-)

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Chad
10/19/2019 11:38:29 am

Yikes. As a man struggling in the search for a mate, I can tell you that your observations are spot-on. Your commentary is also giving me pause to reflect on what more i can be doing. Thought provoking.

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?
8/25/2020 02:05:50 pm

Hygiene=health. Make up=vanity.

If you like wearing make up, great! If you don’t, great! Make up won’t change your intelligence or personality. It also won’t change whether you are a fundamentally beautiful women or not. I’ll wear make up when I feel like it, and if I don’t, I won’t. It’s never made me single, and it’s never made me love myself or my body any differently. Being feminine is not a look. Mose’s wife was a farm girl, probably didn’t have access to make up and definitely didn’t have the luxuries of Egyptian women that made them more sensual. But does that make her less of a woman? Being feminine doesn’t mean being weak or fake. If you wanna wear make up go ahead. Don’t force it on women who embrace their natural beauty by taking care of their mental/physical/spiritual health (showers, teeth brushing & flossing, dr check ups, therapy, spiritual practices, balanced meals etc). Make up is optional. I’m sorry if you really feel you need it to be a feminine woman 🙏 I’ll keep you in my prayers that you can accept yourself more

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Taylor
9/8/2020 01:25:31 pm

Now this is interesting! In 2019, C.A. posts about how women should feel pride in how they look, focusing on makeup and flattering clothing make us more attractive to men (and having the audacity to align it with being respectful to men at the same time). Now, in 2020, C.A. posts incendiary bullshit on how modesty is best and how women that wear flattering clothing are attention seekers who unnecessarily sexualize themselves.

So which is it?

Are we sluts for wearing clothing that makes us look better and accentuating our bodies ("giving it a boost," as she says)? Or are women to be modest and closed off, because how will anyone take us seriously if dress provocatively or in a way that indicates respect for men?

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Erica
10/27/2020 01:55:47 pm

Abby, I agree with you on this one. I think there is a difference between vanity versus just taking care of yourself. To be honest, I think a lot of it in society nowadays boils down to laziness. Women don’t want to put in much effort to take care of their health and basic hygiene. It isn’t about trying to attract a man....it’s important to feel good about ourselves by putting our best foot forward.

We should do the best with what we have and where we are in life. Perfection is not the goal. Its about being the best version of ourselves; physically, spiritually and emotionally. This will will reflect in the way we carry ourselves for the world to see us.

Good article😀.

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    Hey! I'm Abby, the creator of Classically Abby, a commentary, opera, beauty, and lifestyle brand dedicated to looking at the world from a classic perspective. I'm the first Conservative Influencer and I'm an opera singer with three degrees in performance!

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